Ahead to the Past

Monday, 19 April 2010 05:45

Balancing like a great, searing, orange orb

The afternoon sun teetered on the mount

Soon long shadows would envelop the earth

Creatures afraid of the glare would emerge

Roused from their homes by a blanket of dark

Hunters and hunted in the same bleak space

I had driven miles in a barren land

Yet the road stretched longer in front of me

Towards the oncoming twilight and past

What had once been sweet music was grown old

Beset by boredom, I slouched in the seat

White lines beckoned me to the unconscious

It would be so easy to drift off now

Fade to gentle, friendly, welcoming sleep

Then appeared in my mirror a distant speck

I had not passed a car in hours or none me

But now it came hard – welcome, ominous

At long last life, here where life was so sparse

It slipped to the lane less travelled to pass

I eyed the sleek lines, its sporting body

The fading sun caught its chrome and I blinked

How fresh it seemed, more so next to my own

How pristine the paint, how free of age spots,

Wheel wells and running boards unstained by rust

There were no scratches, no dents from old wars

No exhaust hanging limp from the chassis

Everything was tight, aligned, perfect.

I reveled lazily in its slipstream

Yet I could not let it pass so lightly

Asking more speed, I refused its leaving

I was hard astern, then even, surging

Inadequacies forgotten briefly

Until the moment of comparison

The stark contrast between plain and sublime

The departure of passion from comfort

Mine a symbol of a too long dullness

The clumsy, square design embarrassed me

Aerodynamically flawed, struggling

The winds of change had left me well behind

A relic from a getting, guzzling age

So removed from the elegance I chased

I had to look closer, to see inside

I drifted to that end, gaping, ogling

Heedless of the great speed we were reaching

Startled, it pulled away, nearer the edge

I followed, heedless of my position

But glimpsing fear, I made for the right way

For my sight had distorted my vision

I saw distance, but was blind to the close

Braking hard, the car fell far to the rear

To watch it now meant looking where I’d been

No matter, the path ahead small import

I had seen roads like this so many times

They were all the same, all heading nowhere

And this was no benign reflection.

But what I had wanted, had dared to hope

A handsome object, a youthful presence

A way with the course so easy, so free

All that mine had never been and was not

Two travelers in a vast, antique land

If not drawn mutually, then by need

No hand to mock us, no cold, wrinkled lip

Just the other to guard against hazards,

Dangers of journey in desolate times

The explorer behind must feel the same

For having grown accustomed to my pace

Had settled in to let me show the way

As usual, I feared losing contact

I slowed while the car nervously approached

Even the refracted image stunned me

I had not seen more radiant features

The look was future, the beauty timeless

Closer and closer, I stalled even more

Now watching seemed pale, I wanted to touch

Desired to feel, to know what it was like

To merge, to reach for a moment or more

The thrill of brushing against my dreams

To know my exhaustion would have support

Closer still, soon we would meld into one

I could feel the heat now, sense the power

Soon we would ride together, back to front,

Locked in some odd, risky, moving embrace

A queer sight in a straight and narrow land

Gently, slowly, that’s it, soon now, yes, soon.

And then it pulled so desperately back

We would have to start all over again

Yet I looked and knew that would never be

The car had a different air to it

Sadder now, it lacked its earlier drive

Tired of games, hung in resignation

As if I would never let it go by

In a flickering try, it flashed its lights

A plea to be on its intended way

Belatedly, I shook off my stupor

What wild fancy had brought me to this place

Where common sense gave way to nonsense

Where wishes overrode reality

Where fondness made license for selfishness?

Of course it wanted to get by, well by

It was only me who thought otherwise.

I should have been a fellow traveler

Shared a stretch of time and road, waved perhaps

A moment’s easing of common concerns

The same route to distinct destinations

I pulled over to the shoulder and slowed

A tap on the horn and a wary look

My latest former dream sped to the past

I watched until dust and shadows took hold

As in the well-warned end they always do.

Paul Heno 2002